Help Me Improve My Sucky Writing!

lol... that was epically epic. lol.

Alex wrote:LOL. Yup, one guy in particular.

Ooo, we need a steamy hot love song! anyone know any?

Scary Moveie 4.... "Hey Man! Wat are you doin?" "Relax dude... I'm just tryin to grab some nuts..."
Anybody know wat part I'm talkin about....

no. i hate those things. rotflolmaoxdqq

You hate the "Scary Movie" series??? Thats like sying you hate parodies altogether!

lol. i love parodies. of adverts and animated shows. like my 2 on youtube thread... rotfl...

Yeah, final part, warnings are as per usual... this part is the last, tell me what you think I should improve... la la lal aa la la.... ummm this chapter scared me a bit so be warned.




I punched him over and over again, and that sick cocksucker just laughed it off. He wasn’t going to leave me alone. What did he want anyways? Some man whore to suck him? Honestly, I didn’t get it! Why can’t he just find some other guy and see if he’s interested in the offer.

I wish I could ask somebody about what to do but then everyone will think I was the guy enjoying it. If I talked to Sarge he could get rid of him for me, but then will never respect me again. I can’t talk to my brother, as far as I know he’s afraid of anything with homo in it. This fucking sucks.

Whenever I saw Andrew I’d just hit him. He’d laugh or moan and say some sexual comment. I bet he was so twisted that if I stabbed him in the guy with a knife he’d just be even more turned on.

At least I remembered not to drop the soap.
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I shoved Carmine straight into the wall before he was able to attempt another kiss. Again he smiled and sexually bit his lip.

“I vote caramel,” he giggled, referring to the ‘safety word’ he mention earlier.

“What the hell is he talking about?” asked one of my friends, Matt. This time people were actually around us, so basically my man-ness was at risk.

“Our safety word,” Carmine whispered.

“What the hell?” Matt said again.

“Carmine’s fucking insane! Don’t listen to him,” I said to Matt. Matt simply shook his head and left us be. Usually, I looked forward to our nights at the bar, but ever since Carmine had started stalking me, let just say I never go anywhere alone.

I grabbed my bottle of beer off of the table and sat back down beside another one of my friends, Al. Al wasn’t tall, but he also wasn’t average height. His hair was a dark brown, and his blue eyes gave him an aggressive look, but deep inside he was like a teddy bear. I couldn’t talk to him about Carmine either. I fucking hated my life.

“That Carmine guy’s a real sicko, eh?” Al said, jabbing a thumb in Andrew’s direction. I sighed and began picking at the label on the brown bottle.

“You don’t even know,” I mumbled. I don’t think words could explain how much I hated Carmine at that moment. I didn’t even know that eventually, I’d fall in love with him. We remained silent which only gave me more time to think about all my problems. “Watch my drink,” I said. “I gotta take a piss.”

“Yeah, sure,” Al responded.

Nobody was in the bathroom… that was good. I just needed some time to my self. I walked over to one of the sinks and turned the water on, so nobody would hear me. I wanted to cry, scream, or hurt somebody. Every night I had dreams about Carmine, and every day he would taunt me. I couldn’t take it any more! I slammed my head on the mirror in front of me so hard it shattered, sending bits of reflective shards into my forehead. I had to admit that it felt good. I felt the pain tingle throughout my body and my heart beat race. I craved for more.

Without thinking I took a large shard of the mirror and began cutting the inside of my wrist. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath in, then released it with a soft moan. It was like a drug. The pain was exhilarating, and it felt so good.

“How does it feel?” a voice asked from behind me. Without thinking about who it was, I answered him.

“Amazing…” I breathed. It was like I was in a trance. I knew who it was behind me, but the pain! Oh the pain! It distracted my thoughts and clouded my judgment. I slowly continued to make the long slits on the inside of my wrist. The man placed his hand on my shoulder and I rolled my head to the side so I could feel his soft hand against my cheek. It was toxic.

I looked up at Carmine as he walked around to the front of me. He stared right at me. I looked back into those alluring eyes, and stopped cutting my self. He used his fingers to lift my chin up so he could kiss me, this time I kissed back. This time I bit his lip for his own pleasure, and allowed him to explore my mouth with his tongue. I allowed him to do more; I wanted him to do more.
------------------------

I don’t remember much about that night, I remember waking up the next day. It was Saturday. My ass hurt, and my wrists were bandaged. My head pounded from the unhealthy amount of beer I drank the previous night. I rolled over on my bed and looked at the time. It was 12:42… How could I sleep for so long?

I slowly got out of bed and sauntered over to the shower. I wanted to wash the thick sent of copulation off of my body. After I showered and got dressed I enter the kitchen only to find a note on the fridge.

Don’t hurt yourself. You’re not a bad person.
-Joshua

I think I might have cried at that moment. He didn’t understand. I didn’t do it because I thought I was a bad person, I needed the pain. It was intoxicating.

I looked down at the large, grotesque cuts on my wrists and a feeling of regret sank my heart straight to the bottom of my feet. You’re disgusting, I told my self.
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For two days straight all I could think about was Carmine. I was so fucking gay. He appeared in every dream and was on my mind every second. But when I went to work the next day Andrew wasn’t there… and the day after that… and after that.

I haven’t seen him ever since that night.
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I think I creaped myself out writing this. Like no joke... It's weird.

That...... Was.............

................................

Sydney, I didn't know you were capable.

Japsa? Launch tha anti-faggotry Lemon Pledge.

Don't comment on the plot unless there is a big plot hole! I need improvement on the actual writing!

The writing was good, it's the content that scared me..... Superevil, this FAR surpasses anything you've done in the past. I believe a change in your rank is in order.

Aww I did warning and everything tho! I said even I was scared so be careful when reading! It's literature! ART!

Superevil225 wrote:Aww I did warning and everything tho! I said even I was scared so be careful when reading! It's literature! ART!

The scariest art to have ever met my eyes.

Yaoi Lover is in order here. That shall be your new rank until I say otherwise Or unless you protest.

Well it is true soooooo I cant argue with your logic.

Alex believes he has made a good leadership decision.

i believe too.

I don't know if I should feel loved, or hated... it's hard to tell!

I believe i can fly

we all know ur insane... it's OK.

Weed much?

Superevil225 wrote:I don't know if I should feel loved, or hated... it's hard to tell!

Well, consider it both:

You write well and draw good anime.

Your consistent innuendos scare all of us and your story has emotionally scarred us.

i agreez. evil r 3p1c riter and a yaoi <3er.

I feel..... scared..... when thomas does not type correctly, shit hits the fan.... twice.

dunt u m33n tw1es? rnt taht whut rr u b m33ngn?

@Super: Epic writing...... It made me paralyzed for a min. or so by how disturbing it was, but other than that, EPIQUE

@Thomas: L34rn 7o typ3 r1gh7 y0u 57up1d n008! lol

thomas: 1z h8z pplz tht tak l1k3 d1z

please stop?