BULLS#!T Chronicles! Written by japsa, about some a$$hole :UPDATED 04/11/09

So, quick intro. I am japsa, most of you know me. I go to college in England, I'm 17 and I'm studying public services (Help you get into a uniformed service, learn about government and stuffs).

NOTE: I know it's quite long it has a little back story to him and it's the first post.
I do not know his name! He probably told me, just I must have been so brain-dead from being fed shit! I will try and get a picture of him up. There is a lot of offensive language and in Posts to come there will be mention of drugs/sex/alcohol and fuckfull of bullshit.

I just went back to college after a one week half-term break. Just before half-term a new guy joined the class. I am one year older than the majority of my class (I wasted a year doing nothing) and the dreaded, feared, EVIL, yet lovable social stereotype was a year (maybe 2) older than me. when I first spoke to him on a the Friday before half-term, he seemed normal. We were playing basketball as part of our sports day. He had hurt his arm, and for a reason I am yet to find realize, he spared me the bullshit! He was unable to play basketball, so he was excused and left. That was my first encounter with bullshit man.

Monday, 2nd November 2009. First day back at college, I had some other friends there so I spoke to them and just generally "hung out". I never noticed the BSM (bullshit man) in the morning. I don't really have any major friends, to be honest, I like it that way. Anyway, so I arrived at my after lunch class early. There he was, squatting read to strike with a bullshit fueled conversation. I sat there opposite him and we exchanged a friendly look. I wish I never, I should have just give him the "STFU" look, but I never knew what I was getting into. That's when I said the most undoubtedly stupid, most idiotic, retarded thing of my like, "So, how was your half term?"

"Well, I spent the entire holiday pissed out my face, I ate pasties for breakfast Mcdonalds for lunch KFC's for dinner and Chinese takeouts at night, Everyday. Yeah I also had these cigars, yeah, they were about £10 each. I smoked about 15 of 'em, When I was down the pubs in the beer gardens, People were all there smoking there cigarettes and I had these Huge Swedish cigars! They were incredible the flavor was just great, I haven't smoked since I was 7 though".

"That sounds about as healthy as jumping off a cliff" I said. He replied, "yeah I really need to get exercise again, I need to get back in shape". He continued "You know that ledge above the door?", "Whilst I was here waiting I did 40 over arm pull ups on that, then 15 pull ups with my bag on"

Before I could say a fucking word commenting and compliment him with "Cool", He fucking carried on. "Yeah, then I did about 50 push ups, then I managed to do another 10 with my bag on". All I could think about was how much a fuck case he was. He probably didn't stop, but my damn brain did!

Well into the classroom. It was tutorial so it was pretty much a free period. More back-story guys. Around my area there is a place called "Dawley" It's full of tramps, thieves, criminals and retards. Dawley, apparently has a "gang" full of "hard ass mother fuckers". Anyway these too guys, At first you hate them they're your average annoying yobs, but they grow on you. They normally and in a joking manner talk about "Dawley" and life in the "Dawley gang". So they are parading around the class yelling "Dawley" and generally having a joke, if I'm being honest they are pretty funny to watch.

I was just sitting down, studying for a mini test then I had the good fortune for BSM to start another conversation with me. "So what's Dawley" he asked. I replied "It's Dawley man, you don't fuck with Dawley, they're harder than dried rhino shit". He started talking "it's a gang? I got out of that game a long time ago". I responded with "good choice", I was trying to stay friendly. For fucks sake I thought to myself as he continued. "Well I say I got out, the truth is they didn't want to hang around with me anymore. "ORLY, BECAUSE OF YOU INSATIABLE AMOUNT OF BULLSHIT" I thought to myself. "I took things to far" he said. "we kidnapped some guy from another gang, started torturing him". "They all wanted to quit, but I stuck with it, they thought I was just to fucking crazy"

He continued for a long time, talking about why say you're going to do something and not doing it. I could take the bullshit anymore, I was considering becoming an hero. God intervened, my tutor came thought the door and asked who like to try the test.

If anyone posts TL; DR, I will tell the bullshit man that you think his stories are crappy, and I promise you, he will go ape shit on your ass with the sword that he owns (I KNOW ABOUT HIS SWORD BECAUSE HE MENTIONS IT IN EVERY FUCKING SENTENCE)

Excuse me? What was that last part about?

Did you even read it?

Yes. What does TL; DR mean?

Teal deer. Google it.

Joker...FAIL!

Ohhhhhh, I get it.

@Knife: I have plans for you...(I'll give you a hint. It isn't rape.)

OH NOE!!! MEGA RAPE!!!!

I knew you were gonna say that...

Are you gonna put a smile on my di..... face?

Dick? You mean man-gina?

There was a guy like that at my school, probably worse than him...

His name was Sharukh Harukh Farukh. His parents must've hated him, cause only Satan would give their child such a horribly rhyming name like that.

Everything that Sharukh says is a Lie. He claims to be from Europe, but everyone knows he's from the Middle East. He calims to not be allowed to shave due to religious reasons, even though on many times he's claimed he's Catholic. He says he can sing pretty damn well, but every time we (Me and my group of friends) ask him to sing us a junty tune, it's always "Bad for him" and "He'll give us a CD later." Bullshit.

So one dya, I call him on it. Call him a right little twat. And what does the bitch want to do? He want's to fight me. FIGHT. ME. So, I, a bit apprehensive at nearly killing the "unpopular kid", decide to fake the whole thing and pretend I know Kung-Fu. So the fight begins, right in the hall. I give him a Karate chop to the neck. This is about the point that he pussies out, starts yeling "Calm down man!" and trying to block my barrage of hand-blades. So I pin him up against a wall, my hand on his neck, my eyes glowing red (Not really, but I was really pissed at this point, that he had instigated the fight, and wanted to dishonor me by pussing out.) So I took my hand off his throat, and got on one knee.

I Reared back, and FAWCON PAWNCHED that bastard in the kidney as hard as Thor would let me. He didn't come to school the next day. Thought I might've killed him, cause I ran off after he started throwing up.

But he came back the day after that.

AND HE TOLD EVERYONE THAT HE KICKED MY ASS. I FALCON PUNCH HIM IN THE KIDNEY, KARATE CHOP HIM IN THE THROAT, AND HE SAYS THAT HE KICKED MY ASS.


And Japsa, tell that bastard if he wants a sword fight, Me and Hiryu will take him any time, anywhere.

The Joker wrote:Dick? You mean man-gina?

Yes because I'm Old Greg...

@Leo: Wow that kid is an complete asshole... Saying he kicked your ass. He's just a complete dumbass

Wish thay'd let me bring Hiryu to school again... show that twat who really kicked who's ass...

Hiryu??

Something like this has happened to me before to This kid punched me in the face and I beat the shit out of him after that and were separated all day at school and the kid said I was crying and threw baby punches when he was on ground yelling for me to stop!

Yeah, I cry when I punch too, only cause I enjoy the righteous fury flowing through my veins as I strike down those who have caused me Injustice.

And Hiryu is my sword. By black bladed katana with a red tinted edge, a white, banded sheath, and the name: "Leonhardt" inscribed in Japanese on the hilt.

04-Leonhardt wrote:Yeah, I cry when I punch too, only cause I enjoy the righteous fury flowing through my veins as I strike down those who have caused me Injustice.

And Hiryu is my sword. By black bladed katana with a red tinted edge, a white, banded sheath, and the name: "Leonhardt" inscribed in Japanese on the hilt.

How much money?

Damn that is one nice sword!

I remember this kid named Shawn at my school who kept telling everyone that I shopped at JCPenney. One day, I asked if he'd heard that his mom was giving blowjobs in the bathroom. Then I said that they had to pump the cum out of that blob that she calls her stomach. You know what he does? He swings at me.

I take it, but I grab his hand. I then twist it until he's on the ground. (I did jijutsu back then) Then I step on his gut as hard as I could. That heaved all of the air out of him, and made him dizzy. I gave him a moment to recover (I haven't lost my honor), then I flip him around with another twist.

"Get on your knees."
"No." he said, coughing.
"NOW, or else."
"Or else what?"

I punch him in the face, then he get's on his knees. I adjust my grip to both hands, then put my foot on his back.

"Now then, you're either gonna quit being an asshole, or I can break your arms like a twig." I said quietly.
"I doubt it."
"Wanna see?"
"Go ahead, you little bitch."

I start slowly pushing his arms up. If I kept going, they would have broken. "Ahhh! Okay, I'll stop, I'll stop!" he screamed. By now nearly everybody at lunch was watching. The proctors were in the other section of the school, by the asphalt. Just to finish off, I let go of his arms and hauled him upward. I grab him on the throat and slam him into a wall. "Now then, let's put a smile on that face!" I let go, rear my hand back, and ram my right fist into his ribs hard enough to break bricks. (Okay, maybe not, but I punched as hard as I could, and I can punch up to about 90-100 pounds.)

To this day, he hasn't messed with me since.

........................... Oh my God.........

This is now the Official Fight thread

That was Bad ASS EPIQUE!

Alex wrote:........................... Oh my God.........

Yeah, back then I had no remorse, and I still don't have any now.

Badass is good

Awesome story, Joker. But if it were me, I wouldn't stop. I would break his arms, and then I would dislocate all the disks in his spine. Yep. I just don't know when to stop.